Hot in der Stadt

If there´s one thing it´s never been in Europe during any of my visits here, it´s hot. Amsterdam summer 2001 was a rainfest, with temperatures occasionally reaching lukewarm. My trip the next year was also cursed by rain--even the part in Barcelona. And the time I visited Amsterdam for a few days in fall 2003 was dominated by freezing, freezing rain. Thus when the weather was balmy and clear for the first few days when I was in the Hague this time around, I was pleasantly surprised. And when it was equally nice in Berlin at the outset of my weeks there, ´twas also good. But a few days ago, unaccountably (well, possibly accounted for by global warming) it got something I´ve never before experienced in Europe: hot. Damn hot. Sweatily, uncomfortably, accursedly, constantly hot.

Hot is, I suppose, better than cold and rainy, which tends to scuttle plans to wander around cities, but lord these people are unprepared for the hot temps. Part of the problem is lack of air conditioning. I get why it largely doesn´t exist here--why would you pay for A/C when you´re going to need it only a few days out of the year, if that? But man could I go for some overcooled American building right now. Yesterday I spent significant time sitting in a shopping mall because, despite the non-enriching character of the activity, it was cool as eine Gurke (cucumber).

Also unprepared for the heat are the Eurovolks I´ve seen around town. Actually, "unprepared" may be the wrong word. "Grossly inappropriate in their sartorial response" might be more apt. Point being, there are two Euroresponses to the über-high temps. One is to wear far, far too little clothing. In some cases, this is acceptable, as with people who are reasonably fit. However, particularly considering that most of the people I´ve seen around are pensioners from the German equivalent of the rural Tennessee, there have been far too many instances of bared hairy guts or cheesy, cellullite-dimpled thighs. Also strange is that the too-little-clothes wearers tend to enthusiastically quasi-bathe in public fountains and whatnot. While I regard these bodies of water as, for lack of a better word, gross (not necessarily groß, though they may be that too), they´re seen as functional by the locals, who wade in them barefoot, and in many cases splash the algae-ridden, nasty water all over their face. Upon walking around Dresden´s famous Zwinger (fortress dating from 1728), I happened upon a group of portly matrons taking the opportunity to bathe their beefy arms (and, oddly enough, only the arms) in one of its many historic fountains. Again, gross.

The majority of Eurofolks go the too-little clothing route when temps rise high. However, there is a small but highly noticeable minority that does just the opposite, instead donning togs that look like something Lawrence of Arabia or perhaps a woman in Taliban-era Afghanistan would have worn. In many cases, these beturbanned folks also break out the umbrellas for additional protection from the heat, or simply cower in the shade of an awning during the noonday heat. Overkill and rather absurd, but considering the aesthetic alternative, I applaud these people and the flesh-coverage their excessive clothing affords.